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oops, i porned.

father peter
LOL okay guys, I'm not really sure where this came from. I got, erm, "inspired" by the pictures under the cut and apparently I'm not getting laid frequently enough because this was the result.

I handwrote this during my Literature of Spain's Golden Age class. It's three hours long. I hope my neighbors were grateful for the distraction.

Sorry to anyone on my F-List who isn't as perverted as me, don't feel obligated to read haha.

: Must Be the Cobbles
Pairing: Jensen and Jared
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3.126
Warnings Enticements: RPS (duh) and mansexin'.
Disclaimer: Pics or it didn't happen. *waits*
Summary:  Non-AU. A heartwarming tale in which Jared thinks Jensen in his priest costume is really hot, and then there's some sex.

Inspired by this gorgeousness:

Author's Note: Okay so this is my first ever fic. Literally, this is the first one I have ever written. And it's RPS and priest kink. One ticket for the express train to Special Hell, first class, please...
Also, this is not beta'd because I don't know where I'd even acquire someone like that, so if there are any glaring errors please let me know so I can fix!

Also, the title comes from a really bad joke about nuns that still had me laughing for a really long time:

Two nuns are cycling down a cobblestone street.
The first one says, "I've never come this way before."
The second one replies, "Must be the cobbles."

Ahhh, religious humor.



Jared likes to think of himself as a spiritual man. Maybe he doesn’t go to church every Sunday or think about God all that much, but he was raised in a Christian household and has a healthy respect for the symbols of the world’s religions.

So, when he’s informed that he’s going to be dressing up as a priest in an upcoming episode, he cringes a bit and promises to himself that he’ll try not to swear or, like, have impure thoughts while wearing the collar. Supernatural is already crossing a lot of theological lines; he doesn’t need to add more tally marks against his soul.

So, naturally, it all goes to shit within an hour of donning the garb.

Jared’s sitting in make up, trying his best not to fidget or covet his hairstylist’s candy bowl, when Jensen walks into the trailer, tugging at his collar and looking uncomfortable. “Man, if my Momma saw me…” Jensen mutters, voice still rumbly and full of sleep.

Jared is blindsided – absolutely, completely floored – by the white-hot burst of want that arcs through him. It’s all he can do to not flinch.

Swallowing, his eyes drag up from Jensen’s legs – the black slacks almost, but not quite, disguising his bowed legs – to the broad stretch of his shoulders and his green eyes blinking blearily behind his glasses. A flush burns high in Jensen’s cheeks from the brisk Vancouver wind, his full lips gleam red from the heat of his coffee, and his hair is an absolute wreck. He looks totally debauched, but completely unaware. Jared swallows again and pounds his fist against his right thigh. What’s going on with him?

Sure, he knows his costar is attractive. He does have eyes, after all. But it had never – never – been anything more than objective admiration.

Another blaze of desire pulses through him as Jensen sprawls on his chair and stretches, practically purring as Jeannie starts playing with his hair. Damn. So much for being virtuous in the priest costume.

Jensen glances over at Jared and does that eyebrow thing, the one that gets Jared insanely jealous because he can’t do it. Great. Lust and Envy and it’s barely been 45 minutes.

Jensen’s voice cuts through his self-flagellation. “Dude. You’re staring. What? Did I get coffee somewhere?”

Jared shakes his head and forces himself to smirk at the other man. “Nah. Just thinkin’ how bizarre it is, seein’ you of all people dressed up as a holy man.”

Jensen grins at him, and Jared’s heart skips a beat. “Whatever, man. I’m the sexiest priest in the diocese. Everyone pays attention when Father Ackles gives the liturgy.” He winks and Jared feels sick. Today was going to suck.

It doesn’t suck. It’s torture. Jared had convinced himself that he’d get used to his costar’s startling new effect on his libido, but by the time they break for lunch he knows how delusional that thought was. Jensen was throwing the devil into Dean with fiendish enthusiasm – every wink, every vice the oldest Winchester has played up in direct contrast to his clothes. Jensen even let a little of his whisky-Texas voice into Dean’s gravel tones, and that combined with the wicked sparkle in his eyes has all the PAs – all of them, the men and the women – falling over themselves to get him water or fix his hair. Even Sera had giggled when Jensen flashed a grin her way.

Jared fumed in the background all morning, punching out the scenes with relentless perfection in an effort to end the day early. Jensen had noticed something was off, but, Jared notes as he savagely stabs at his chicken patty, that isn’t stopping him from flirting with this week’s pretty female victim – and everyone else he got near.

Until, of course, Jensen proves what a good friend he actually is by focusing all of his attention on Jared in what no doubt is an attempt to cheer him up. And that? Is so much worse. All of a sudden Jared finds himself desperately avoiding lewd winks and crude jokes, and on every short break, Jensen’s there at his side, grinning up at him, prodding his shoulder or brushing his knuckles across Jared’s forehead to adjust Sam’s slicked-back hairstyle or letting their shoulders knock together as they walk back and forth between their marks. Jared’s taking deep, steadying breaths every few minutes and willing himself to a manageable level of hardness every time Jensen’s skin touches his own, and he’s incredibly grateful that the costumes are disappearing after today.

Finally, finally, the director calls a wrap for the day, and Jared sprints to the wardrobe trailer. If he looks eager to leave, well, he figures at least he didn’t start changing right there on set. He’s never been more thrilled to be done with an outfit, and that includes the day he had to wear just a towel for hours and hours as they re-shot and re-wrote the scene over and over and never let him take a break.

He tears the collar off, then instantly feels guilty and gently sets it on a chair, giving it a pat and glancing nervously at the ceiling. He really, really doesn’t need to piss anybody off any more today.

Breathing a sigh of relief as he pulls his jeans on, he folds the priest costume up and heads back to his trailer, figuring Jensen would need a little extra time to change – after all, he hadn’t run off like a bat out of hell (Jared groans internally at the unintentional pun) at wrap call.

Once Jared gets to his trailer, he sinks on the couch and rests his forehead in his hands, groaning softly. It fucking figures he’d get turned on by Jensen as a naughty clergyman, he thinks morosely. His luck was for shit when it came to this sort of thing. Hopefully his insane desire to maul Jensen (in a sexy way, of course) would disappear, or filming the rest of the series, hell, living with the guy, would be nearly intolerable.

Jared’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out to reveal a text from Jensen reading, “I’m in the car and I want to go home; are you almost ready?” Jared sighs – only Jensen would use a semicolon while texting. Pretentious bastard.

He jogs out to Clif’s car, slides in the back seat – and freezes.

Jensen is still dressed like a priest.

Jared blinks frantically and manages, “Uh, dude…your costume?”

Jensen sighs. “Yeah, I know. Todd stole all my damn clothes because he’s a dick, and I’m too tired to go look for it all. I’ll just bring this back tomorrow.” He side-eyes Jared for a moment. “So, are you gonna tell me what was up your ass all day?”

Jared holds back a squeak and does his best to repress some very interesting visuals. “Oh, I – uh…just…I mean, tired. I was just tired.” He shrugs and produces what is hopefully a reasonable facsimile of his smile and not a terrifying display of teeth.

Jensen stares at him for a minute, but lets it drop. “Well, go to bed early tonight then, I’m not dealing with your shit again tomorrow.”

Clif opens his door and gets into the drivers seat, eyeing them through the rear-view mirror. “What the hell, Jensen,” he rumbles.

Jensen flashes him a blinding smile and Jared’s dick twitches. “C’mon, Clif, haven’t you always wanted to drive a clergyman around?”

Clif stares impassively at them, unimpressed. “I’ve seen plenty-a holy men in my time – ain’t nothin’ further from a priest than you.”

Jensen laughs delightedly and stretches back into his seat.

Jared stares out the window in despair. This must be karma for all the shit he’s pulled with Chad, he muses despondently, and vows to live a perfect life from now on if only Kripke would quit poking at Christian sensibilities for the rest of the show.

They finally get to their house and Jared strides in to the living room, desperate for some form of televised distraction – a horror movie, something, as long as it was completely unsexy. Jensen lopes after him, intent on approving the movie choice before he heads upstairs, apparently.

“I’m gonna go change, Jay, so – last chance. Got anything you wanna confess?” Jensen winks, and all of a sudden, that’s it. Jared’s done.

He stands swiftly and turns towards Jensen. “Yeah, actually,” he replies, surprised at how low his voice is.

Jensen hears the tone change, too, and freezes utterly, half-turned from Jared and poised to exit the room. Jared’s eyes desperately roam his costar’s body, taking in the tight, precise lines, and hopes – for what, though, he’s not sure.

Jensen pivots and once again faces Jared, who sees him swallow once or twice and clench his fists before shifting into some version of parade rest. His voice, when he speaks, is rough enough to shoot straight to Jared’s cock. “Well, then…” He gestures loosely. “Go on.”

He watches, green eyes blazing, as Jared crosses the room. Jared can feel that gaze turning him hot and cold as he kneels at Jensen’s feet, totally unsure as to what he’s doing and praying he doesn’t screw this up. He’s shaking, and he’s sure Jensen can see the tension rising off his body. His eyes fix on the crotch of Jensen’s pants and he breathes out, lost suddenly.

Slowly, Jensen slips his hand to the back of Jared’s neck, and Jared can feel how Jensen’s fingers tremble. He inhales sharply as Jensen tilts his head gently up. “Whenever you’re ready…” Jensen whispers, his own breath harsh.

They stay in the tableau for a moment until Jared breathes out and begins, eyes shut.

“Forgive me, for I have sinned,” he hisses, screwing up his self-control. Jensen’s fingers on his neck have steadied and they feel like fire on his skin.

“Proceed,” Jensen says, and oh God, his voice drips honey and promise, Texas accent rough around the edges.

Jared breathes. “I have…I’ve been having lustful thoughts about my coworker all day. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t – still can’t – stop thinking about him…”

Jensen swallows. “Tell me. Tell me what you thought. You must unburden yourself,” and that authoritative tone sends a shiver through Jared’s whole body.

“Thought about…kissing him. Thought about getting on my knees in the middle of the set and…pleasuring him, listening to his voice as he tells me what to do, watching his face as he loses that razor control and falls apart because of me. Thought about him fucking my face until I can’t breathe.” Jared takes in a breath through his nose. “Thought – thought about getting home and wrestling each other onto a bed, or the couch, or the floor, and tearing off each other’s clothes and touching until – until…” he trails off, panting, opening his eyes and leaning towards the hard line in Jensen’s pants.

Jensen’s fingers tangle in the hair at the base of Jared’s neck and tug him back gently. “Until what, Jared? You must finish.”

Jared whines. “Until we both can’t take it and we come, goddamnit!” He stares up at Jensen, pleading. “Jen, Jensen, Jen, please, please…” he begs, hands scrabbling forward.

Jensen moans and yanks Jared up. Their lips collide with bruising force and Jensen moans again, hands sliding down Jared’s back and clutching at his hipbones.

Jared grinds desperately into Jensen, hands skating down his powerful back and landing on his ass. He pulls back and stares down into Jensen’s eyes. “God, God, Jen,” he groans, voice broken.

Jensen throws his head back as Jared squeezes and begins to maneuver them towards the couch. Jared goes willingly, backing up and turning blindly at Jensen’s direction, utterly focused on Jensen’s mouth – his tongue – his lips. God.

Jared’s legs hit the couch and he sinks down, and Jensen’s on him in a flash, hands pulling at Jared’s hair until his head is canted off to the side, giving Jensen access to his neck. Jensen growls and bites down at the juncture between neck and shoulder, and Jared shudders, a keening sound escaping him.

Jensen licks up Jared’s carotid and nips at his earlobe. “Was it really that hard being on set with me today, Jay? Thinkin’ all that stuff…God, I had no idea, if I had I woulda done this in your damn trailer, Jesus…”

Jared’s brain stutters, listening to Jensen whisper sin and filth into his ear, and he pulls desperately at the priest collar. “G-god, Jensen, Jen, get this off,” he groans, fingers yanking at the shirt buttons.

Finally, the shirt’s lying on the floor, and Jared stares at Jensen’s chest, watching it flush with arousal, before he dives down and bites, hard, at one of the peaking nipples.

Jensen’s reaction is immediate, his hands tightening almost painfully in Jared’s hair. “J-ared, oh, God damnit Jay, shit,” he wrenches out, voice wrecked. Jared moans in response, sparks skittering up and down his spine as Jensen frantically caresses his face and back. His tongue moves up to Jensen’s collarbone and he bites across it, leaving a necklace of red marks that probably won’t fade by tomorrow.

Jared pulls back for a minute and stares at Jensen’s swollen lips. “Jen, Jen, get off a sec,” he urges, and Jensen stands. Jared’s fingers are immediately at his belt, pulling it off and throwing it across the room. The black pants go next, and then Jensen’s standing there, chest heaving, pupils blown wide, in just a snug pair of black boxer briefs. His cock pushes at the material, leaving a damp spot.

Jensen stares down, a challenge in his eyes. “Too many clothes, Jare,” he rasps, reaching over and tugging Jared’s shirt over his head. Jensen knees between Jared’s legs to work at his zipper, and Jared slams his eyes shut and fights desperately not to lose it right there.

Jared’s jeans are finally off, and Jensen puffs a breath of hot air over his cock before straddling him again, dipping down and biting Jared’s lower lip.

Jared clutches Jensen’s ass again and gives as good as he’s getting, tongue fighting with Jensen’s for dominance. Their moans are unrelenting now, separated only by harsh, panting breaths.

Jared’s fingers hook around Jensen’s boxers, and the other man gets the hint, somehow managing to swing around so Jared can pull them off and slipping Jared’s own underwear down at the same time.

Jared can’t even think. His brain is a white roar and he can barely breathe, his every sense overloaded with Jensen, Jensen, Jensen. He thrusts up and his cock catches into the crease of Jensen’s ass, and he cries out. “D-damn, Jen, oh shit…”

“Fuck,” Jensen pants, grinding forward so his dick is rubbing against Jared’s abs. “Oh, God, fuckfuckfuckfuck,” he whines into Jared’s ear.

Jared can’t control his hips from snapping up, riding Jensen’s ass in a delirium of lust. He’s babbling words, or maybe just sounds, and one hand skates frantically over Jensen’s back, while the other drops between them and curls around Jensen’s cock. He can feel a white-hot coil simmering in his groin and he closes his eyes, desperately trying to stave it off for just a little longer.

“Jay,” Jensen’s voice cuts desperately into his ears. “Jay, Jesus fuck, you gotta look at me Jay, c’mon…” Hands cup Jared’s face, thumb dragging over his mouth, and Jared’s eyes fly open, locking with Jensen’s.

For a long moment he hangs on, balancing on the edge, until Jensen’s fingers tighten around his head and then with a shout he comes, feeling his release pulse over Jensen’s lower back. “Oh, God…” Jared groans, eyes fluttering as he breathes back to normality. He caresses his fingers up and down Jensen’s dick, watching intently as the other man’s pupils dilate even further and sweat beads on his forehead.

“Jared,” Jensen groans, hands clenching spasmodically in Jared’s hair. “Oh shit, shit, Jay, goddamn you, I’m so close, damnit Jay!”

“C’mon Jen, let go, lemme see,” Jared pants, fingers working faster.

Jensen throws his head back and hisses. “JESUS!” he shouts, spine arching, and Jared suddenly feels warm liquid pump over his fingers.

Jensen lets his head drop onto Jared’s shoulder and breathes shakily, each intake of air sounding like he got punched. Jared extricates his hand and wipes it on the couch.

Suddenly, he feels Jensen’s body start to shake. Shit! Frantically, he pushes Jensen’s torso up and turns his head, afraid. Jared just fucked everything up, he knows it, and now he’s going to lose the best and rarest friendship he’s ever had, and…and…

Jensen’s laughing. What? Jared scrunches his nose, offended. There is no way it was that awful, right? He feels his lower lip start to push out in a pout and reels it back in, because, well. No. Nobody gets to sulk after awesome sex, even if they’re getting mercilessly mocked after. Nope, Jared is a mature adult and doesn’t pout.

Jensen draws a breath and calms himself, smiling at Jared and ducking in to bite at the lip that he apparently hadn’t gotten full control over. “Christ, Jared, you’re a perverted sonofabitch, aren’t you? Priest costumes? Really?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jared grumbles, noting just how fucked-out their voices sound. “I didn’t really hear any complaints, Father Ackles.”

Jensen smiles, and Jared catches his breath at the sunshine pouring out of those green eyes.

Jensen pushes off Jared’s lap and tugs his underwear back on, barely allowing Jared time to do the same before he flops back down in his lap and nuzzles his face into Jared’s neck.

Jared puts his arms around Jensen and slowly runs his hands up and down the other man’s back. “Jen…?” he asks uncertainly. Surely this is something they needed to talk about?

Jensen shakes his head into Jared’s shoulder. “Shh. Sleep now. Talk later,” he mumbles, and Jared can feel his lips moving on his neck.

Jared smiles and lets his eyes close. “Okay.”

They sit there for a few minutes, Jared slowly drifting off, until Jensen shifts.


Jared’s hands still and he swallows, nervous suddenly. “Yeah?” he asks softly.

“If you ripped my costume, you’re explaining what happened to Wardrobe,” Jensen says sleepily, pulling a blanket over the two of them and slumping bonelessly back into Jared’s arms.

Jared’s lips quirk in a grin as he relaxes fully into the couch, sleep tugging him away quickly. “Kay,” he whispers, pressing his lips to Jensen’s temple as they fall asleep.

Feedback is appreciated - if I suck at writing I'm not gonna try again haha.


( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 9th, 2010 12:31 am (UTC)
((I havent read the story yet, Im going to do that in about an hour when I have a minute, I just wanted to say that I beta pretty much constantly, have for like...ever. So if you ever need one, I'd be happy to help. Looking forward to reading this!))
Dec. 9th, 2010 04:08 am (UTC)
If I'm ever struck by inspiration again, I'll come to you! Let me know what you think! :D
Dec. 9th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)


Dec. 9th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC)
Hah, I know, I'd confess my 'sins' to him too...

Dec. 9th, 2010 02:03 am (UTC)
Yummy---that is all :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 04:09 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!!!!
Dec. 9th, 2010 02:25 am (UTC)
Very, very nice- who could resist Father Ackles? :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 04:10 am (UTC)
Nobody I know, that's for sure!! Thanks for reading :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 02:31 am (UTC)
This was great! I'll admit, when people say it's their first fic, I'm kinda wary, but this was really, really good. A couple of typos (barely noticed) and Cliff is spelled with double F, but otherwise it flowed just fine. Keep writing! We need all the good writers we can get our hands on! :-)
Dec. 9th, 2010 04:04 am (UTC)
I actually wasn't sure about the name thing but according to his official Twitter account, it's got just one 'f'. I guess he just spells it oddly!

What typos did you notice! By the time I posted this I had read through it so many times that my eyes hurt, haha, I'm not at all surprised I missed a few :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 11:17 am (UTC)
Really? My apologies, then. :-)

Minor typos:

"Jared’s sitting in make up" - no apostrophe (the sitting doesn't belong to Jared, if in doubt, go with 'Jared is')

"Jensen glances over at Jared and dyes that eyebrow thing" - does

That's all I saw - I kept getting too hooked in the story to notice anything else (which is why I'm not a beta). So, seriously, nothing to worry about. If you read my stuff, you'll see I have typos too - and I very rarely go back to fix them.
Dec. 13th, 2010 05:32 am (UTC)
Thanks! I hate typos, they bug me a LOT (I edited for my high school newspaper for years and years so I'm kind of programmed to despise little errors haha), so having someone point them out is really just helping me calm my OCD :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 02:54 am (UTC)
Delicious! Consider this a plea for you to write more. I can never watch the priest scene again without dirty thoughts (like she didn't have those already)
Dec. 9th, 2010 04:11 am (UTC)
I try so hard to stay out of the gutter when they're in those costumes. I'm not usually successful, hee!

Thanks for reading, and I'll try! We'll see what costume inspires me next...
Dec. 9th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
I think you're lying.

No way your first-ever fanfic is this fantastic. Seriously? Seriously?

Gold, and wonderful, and I hope you write more. :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 04:12 am (UTC)
Haha, nope, I've never written anything for any fandom before. I was super nervous posting this! Thanks for reading!! :D
Dec. 9th, 2010 09:50 am (UTC)
Okay, let's start with: UNF! Oh my God that was hot! And how could pictures like that not be inspiring?

Also, you need to write more! Need to! This was so good, and welcome to Special Hell!
Dec. 9th, 2010 01:08 pm (UTC)
Gosh, thank you so much! And yeah, I think I'm gonna enjoy my time here ;)
Dec. 9th, 2010 11:07 am (UTC)
that was your first fic? well, holy shit!
you need to write more, seriously.

and this:

“Thought about…kissing him. Thought about getting on my knees in the middle of the set and…pleasuring him, listening to his voice as he tells me what to do, watching his face as he loses that razor control and falls apart because of me. Thought about him fucking my face until I can’t breathe.”

just picturing it makes me have all kinds of impure thoughts. :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 01:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I don't blame Jared for being distracted; I dunno if I'da kept it together as well as he did!

Thank you so very much! We'll see what my brain jumps on next :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 12:03 pm (UTC)
Very nicely done! Love the priest costumes myself so I'm very glad you got inspired. :)
Dec. 9th, 2010 01:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading!!! :D
Dec. 9th, 2010 01:29 pm (UTC)
Hot hot hot! I like! :D

I really hope inspiration strikes you repeatedly! ;)
Dec. 13th, 2010 05:31 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!

I'm kind of thinking I'm gonna do a series-type thing with the various costumes the boys have worn throughout the years...of course I'd have to do some research and re-watch the episodes they're dressed up...poor me ;)
Dec. 13th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC)
Oooh, you should totally do that!:D

It's so good of you to sacrifice yourself for us in this manner, I don't know how you can go back and watch the episodes over again ;)
Dec. 13th, 2010 08:03 am (UTC)
I know, my life is really just so hard- THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU, I swear.
Dec. 9th, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC)
Jared and his little kink hey in getting hot and bothered by Jensen poor love he was going crazy at work but in the end it worked out well he had fun with Jensen when he got home. Nicely written.
Dec. 13th, 2010 05:31 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you liked it :)
Dec. 13th, 2010 12:14 am (UTC)
This kicks ass, for a first time or a 50th time. You're a great writer. And holy shit, this was hot. AMEN.
Dec. 13th, 2010 12:56 am (UTC)
Eeee I'm so glad *you* liked it! Thank you so much!!!
Dec. 13th, 2010 05:06 am (UTC)
I have the same kink Jared has and I'm certainly going to hell 'cause this was so effin' PERFECT!!! I can't believe you've never written fanfic before. You rocked my kinky soul to the core - please write more and I'll love you forever *on knees begging with puppydog eyes* Saving to Mems & friending <33
Dec. 13th, 2010 05:34 am (UTC)
Oh my gosh I'm seriously blushing! That's so nice of you!

I'm thinking of doing something like this for all my favorite costumes they've worn. And I will more than likely revisit the priest one because - well. Duh.
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )